Nissan Patrol Nismo: Art of Ridicule or Deadly Schizophrenia?
This page is translated from the original post "Nissan Patrol Nismo : art du ridicule ou schizophrénie mortelle ?" in French.
- 28/06/2025 14:36
With its big V6 producing 495 horsepower, weighing in at 2.9 tons, and its grotesque design, the Nissan Patrol Nismo is a parody in itself.
This world is schizo! While alerts about global warming are constant, and manufacturers try to convince of their good faith regarding their efforts to reduce their footprint… Nissan presents an anachronistic behemoth that is neither sexy nor efficient: the Patrol Nismo.
Luckily, this model will not be sold in Europe to spare itself the wound of commercial failure – not everyone in the Old Continent is completely stupid yet – and it will surely make you smile when reading its specifications.
| Nissan Patrol Nismo Technical Specifications | |
| Engine | V6 3.5 liters twin-turbo gasoline |
| Power | 495 hp at 5600 rpm |
| Torque | 700 Nm at 3600 rpm |
| Dry Weight | 2,817 kg |
| Seats | 8 |
| Length | 5,295 mm |
| Width | 2,070 mm |
| Height | 1,945 mm |
| Wheelbase | 3,075 mm |
| Tires | 275/50R22 |
Symbolically, Nissan should have already promised a round figure of 500 horsepower (instead of 495 hp), even if it means polluting unnecessarily… while the competition – Porsche, Lamborghini, Audi, Mercedes – knows how to extract 50% more power.
Available for purchase throughout the Middle East starting in July
Despite its 22-inch wheels, the Patrol is so big that it seems poorly proportioned. As tall as it is wide, like drawn by a 3-year-old child, the result aims at no good taste. Is this why this Nissan Nismo will be sold exclusively in the Middle East?
With pride, Nissan praises its 9-speed transmission and a redesigned front shield to bring fresh air (sic) to the brake discs. Slowing down 2.9 tons at full speed will not be an easy task. As for the rear diffuser, it improves aerodynamic downforce for stability at the rear. What must be read to smile!
Reading the press release, one better understands why the photos depict this Nissan Patrol Nismo on a racetrack… The controlled suspension is stiffened to better absorb the curbs and reduce body movements. Unfortunately, Nissan does not provide lap time gains compared to a regular Patrol or any timing on the Nordschleife of the Nürburgring.
And you, what do you think of this amusing expression of the world before?
READ ALSO: Victory for Tesla, the Model Y finally gets the Ecological Bonus!
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